In "C.Y.E.," Mary McCarthy illustrates the
irreversible psychological damage that roots from being aware of some secret
idea that centers on you but being incapable of discovering what that idea is
through the life of the narrator. McCarthy acknowledges that even in spite of
how the narrator attempts to trick her mind into forgetting the mysterious
nickname she was given in the convent, she is still unable to stop a
"heavy blush" and a "terrible grimace of shame" from
spreading on her face as she encounters the nickname years later on the sign of
a clothing store. Yet the more pertinent idea in this short story, in my
opinion, lies not in the fact that the narrator is still toying with this
childhood nickname, but in the way her subconscious deals with it.
One peculiar detail McCarthy included was how the
narrator compared her memory, or “personality,” in her words, to a
“bureaucracy.” She reflects on how in her “official life” she truly has no
recollection of the nickname, even feeling a “faint pinch of regret and
privation” as she ached to be deemed unique by a nickname, which she compares
to getting a “favor” in a piece of cake. She claims that she would rather have
the slice with “the old maid’s thimble” (an undesirable favor because it meant
that someone would be unmarried if they received it) than a piece with no favor
at all. This is ironic, considering that this is exactly the “slice of cake”
that she received at the convent, which she immediately regretted wanting. The
narrator, however, acknowledges this and calls her personality “political,”
saying that just like “any bureaucracy,” she is guilty of having amnesia (i.e.
forgetting her cursed nickname) whenever it is convenient to her. The narrator
is quite critical of this attribute of her personality, as she compares it to
the “shamelessness” of the Soviets deleting information about Trotsky – the
leader they killed to gain power in Russia – from their textbooks. Perhaps it
is because of the overwhelming effects that rush in after being ambushed with the
“Cye Bernard” sign after years of repressing the horrid memory of the nickname;
the “rĂ©gime” of her well-guarded amnesia has fallen and she has to deal with
the consequences.
Another odd idea was how the narrator automatically
assumed that “Cye” was an abbreviation, when in fact Elinor and Mary always
referred to her as “Cye” instead of “C-Y-E.” The narrator, however, is adamant
that each letter must stand for something, as she recalls lying in bed at night
“guessing wildly” about what it could mean, such as “Catch your elbow” or
“Cheat your end.” This subconscious assumption is also reflected in the title;
McCarthy chose to entitle the piece as “C.Y.E.” instead of “Cye.” The fact that
the title is not the nickname itself, but rather the haunting abbreviation that
keeps the narrator guessing seems to serve as a parallel to the narrator’s
psychological torment. Perhaps the narrator has overanalyzed what her nickname is
supposed to mean and has completely altered it in her mind, just as the title
is an alteration of the original nickname. The nickname only took a matter of a
few weeks for two young juvenile girls to create, while it is taking years for
the narrator to try to decipher. Maybe that, in itself, is the point: in
reality, the nickname had no meaning until the narrator took it upon herself to
give it one.
No comments:
Post a Comment