Monday, September 9, 2013

The Lies We Are Told About Love


           Modern day media has distorted the image of love. Now society sees love as a passionate whirlwind of fervent, confusing and exciting emotions. Our society places value on an all-consuming relationship that absorbs your heart, body, mind, and identity. Is this really what love is supposed to be? Were we created to simply be the other half of a whole? Anton Chekhov analyzes this view of an all-consuming kind of love through his analysis of the female character, Olenka, in his short story, “The Darling.” Chekhov explores this notion of love through his characterization of Olenka and her reactions to the numerous losses that she experiences during her life. Through this short story, the audience comes to a vital realization: the popular view of an all-absorbing love is completely wrong.
            Chekhov purposefully creates Olenka to be a static character. He describes her as a “darling” woman who “was always fond of someone” and “could not exist without love.” In essence, she always finds her identity within a relationship and her life has no meaning outside of the men that control her. As a result of her lack of identity, Olenka becomes a very malleable woman whose opinions sway easily. When she marries Kukin her life and opinions center on the theater. In contrast, when she marries Pustovalov she focuses on religious piety and timber. Olenka entirely abandons herself in an effort to have her love and relationships completely consume her. Throughout the entirety of this short story, Olenka never changes her ways. Whether she uses a maternal or romantic kind of love, Olenka always finds identity within the men in her life.
            Olenka experiences hardship and loss three times throughout the short story. Her first two husbands die and her lover abandons her. After the deaths of both of her husbands, Olenka enters into a few months of despair, mourning and grief. When her mourning periods end, she searches for a new love to throw herself into. Chekhov blatantly states that “she [Olenka] could not live a year without some attachment.”  This shows her need for love. Relationships become an addiction to Olenka, one that consumes her body and mind. Her need for love and attachment exist due to her inability to think for herself. Chekhov reveals this truth when he describes Olenka during her period of solitude after Pustakov abandons her. He describes her as “thin” and “plain” with her “best years” behind her. She becomes an empty shell of a woman without any outside opinion to fill her. She even tries to accept Mavra’s, the cook, opinions as her own but they are not enough. She wants an all-consuming love of a man in which she can once again find her identity. She later gets her wish when Pustakov comes back to town with his son, Sasha. Olenka once again abandons herself and throws her maternal love into this boy. She finds herself within Sasha and his opinions become her own.
            Olenka’s story leads the reader to examine her version of love. Are we supposed to throw ourselves—body, heart and mind—into another human being? Are we supposed to become so enmeshed in another that our thoughts are no longer our own? Chekov’s analysis of Olenka leads us to conclude that we are not supposed to do this. If we give ourselves completely over to another, we lose our own identity. Love is not about losing ourselves or agreeing with everything our partner has to say. Love is not a tumultuous affair that consumes both our hearts and minds. In this aspect, media has led our society astray. The Rom-Com idea that the quirky girl gets the handsome man and enters into a life-altering, self-changing love affair feeds society a false view of love. Girls can no longer dream of a hero that will lead them through the trials and tribulations of life; each person must be able to do that for themselves. Love is an equal compromise: a shared bond between two individuals. It can ground us and better us, but we must not lose ourselves in the process.
             

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